


Silence in hand holding

by BlueFox1319



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dan's Birthday, M/M, Pride, References to the Beatles, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 15:33:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19321024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueFox1319/pseuds/BlueFox1319
Summary: What happens when Dan's friends 'kidnap' him on his birthday?Worse yet, what happens when the boy he's been in love with since he's met him asks Dan to sing for him?





	Silence in hand holding

**Author's Note:**

> FIRST... I'm not saying that the boys are together. I would never assume such.  
> My brain just naturally thinks of them when I write.  
> This is one of my faves to write, for multiple reason. But mainly because it just give me a warm fuzzies feeling.  
> This was also my first songfic, so if I messed it up I'm sorry.  
> Hope you enjoy and that you're having a wonderful day/night and Pride!!!

*Oh yeah I tell you somethin’.*

It was the night before my twenty first birthday. I had spent the entire day in my flat, in my browsing position on the sofa, looking at memes on Tumblr. Well, almost all day, I did go to work at the BBC, but when I walked into the recording room, someone I’m not sure who, probably Nick or Scott put a party hat on my head and started singing For he’s a jolly good fellow. 

*I think you’ll understand.  
When I say that somethin’.*

After everyone told me happy birthday, I caught sight of my best friend Phil Lester standing in the corner. When he looked up, he smiled and motion for me to join him, I beamed back at him. The first words out of his mouth wasn’t happy birthday like you’d expect instead they were, 

“I swear I had no idea they were going to do this. I would have told you to fake ill if I did.”

Phil knows how I feel about my birthday. I don’t like celebrating it, to me, it’s like saying, ‘Yay! I’m a year closer to my death.’ So, I knew he was telling me the truth, that and the fact that I know he can’t keep a secret from me, I can’t keep secrets from him either, well I can keep one. We chatted between bites of the cupcakes he snaked from the snack table. He joked that it was my gift that he went, since both of us don’t like parties, but through his laughter he said,

“I’ll come over tonight and we’ll order pizza, watch anime, play games. We can pretend it isn’t your birthday and let it be any other night, I can even sleep over. Alright Dan?”

Once I nodded yes. Scott Mills, mine and Phil’s boss at the BBC interrupted to tell me happy birthday again and that I could now go home early if I wanted to. I of course took it as a sign that I could escape the nice, but unwanted party. I told Scott and everyone, thank you then grabbed Phil’s wrist, pulling both of us to freedom. 

We said our goodbyes on the pavement outside. Phil promised he’d be round my place at 18:30, but he’s always late, so that meant he would be here at 19:00. 

I glanced down at my computer’s clock, seeing it was 16:36. I stood up and went to my wardrobe to get dressed. After an hour of rummaging through my clothes I put on my gray monster hoodie and a pair of black skinny jeans. I padded to the bathroom to straighten my hair again. On my way back to the sofa I heard a knocking sound at the door, smiling I checked my hair one more time in the mirror before pushing down the same thought, I think every time Phil comes over, ‘Maybe I’ll tell him this time. Maybe today is the day I say I love you.’.

If you’re wondering who I am, my name is Dan Howell, I’m turning twenty one tomorrow and I still can’t tell my best friend that I’m in love with him.

*I want to hold your hand.  
I want to hold your hand.  
I want to hold your hand.*

I swing the door open to find not just Phil, but two more of my friends PJ Liguori and Chris Kendall standing in the doorway. ‘Oh no, I could only guess what they were about to drag me to.’

“Hi guys, what are you doing here? I thought it was just Phil and I for tonight.”

The corner of Chris’ mouth turned up in the same cheeky grin it always does when he’s up to something. “Dan, are you kidding? Like we’re going to miss the chance to get you plastered for the first time!”  
PJ pushed past me to snag my keys from where I left them while Chris pulled me out of the door, asking Phil for the blindfold.

“Wait! Blindfold? Chris! Don’t you dare put a blindfold on me!” Too late. He had covered my eyes and started guiding me to the car. On the way I tripped, nearly falling on my face when someone caught me.

“I thought I was the clumsy one.” 

Phil giggled. Of course, it’s Phil. “You are. And Chris, you suck at guiding.”

“Do not, you suck at walking.” He said up ahead of me, I heard him stopping to unlock the car doors.

“I can’t see, you arsehole!”

*Oh please say to me.*

I spent the whole ride thinking of ways to get PJ and Chris back for this, knowing them, they coerced Phil into letting them do this. I settled on sending a hundred different horrifying memes to each of them when they least expect it as the car lurched to a stop and Chris opened his door. 

A few seconds later, my door open and I felt PJ’s hands helping me out of the car. I could tell it was PJ when the tips of his fingers brushed against my skin, they were always rougher than Phil’s or Chris’ because of his guitar playing.

“Can I take this stupid thing off now?!” 

“Not yet.” Chris said before making me move forward a bit, then side step to my left, ”Alright… Now you can.”

I tore off the cover only to be blinded by a bright neon yellow sign that read ‘The Singing Whiskers.’ it was a new karaoke pub that opened a month ago why would they bring me her- I facepalmed when I realized why. Then turned round to get back in the car, “Nope. abso-fucking-lutely nopety nope nope nope. I am not going in there.”

“Yes, you are.” Chris and PJ said simultaneously, then started pulling me toward the front door. I looked behind me to see Phil shaking his head and following. 

*You’ll let me be your man.*

They sat me down at a round table facing the stage where a two women just started singing a duet of Panic At The Disco’s Girls/Girls/Boys to each other. It looked quite sweet and they were pretty good. As the song ended they pecked one another's lips and everyone applauded them then again when a guy came up and the first notes of Demi Lovato's Cool for the summer began playing I didn’t hear how he was because that’s when PJ and Chris came back to our table with two pints filled almost to the brim with deep yellow liquid, another glass of something multi colored if I had to guess who’s that one was it would be Phil’s then my drink which is essentially an Irish coffee with vodka instead of whiskey. They asked where Phil went off to, but as if right on cue, he sat next to me and answer their question. 

“Sorry, had to use the toilet. Thanks for the drink.” 

I caught him smirking and giggling round his straw, Phil only acted like that when he was about to play a trick on someone. I hoped that it wasn’t me.

*And please say to me.  
You’ll let me hold your hand.*

After a couple more songs and drinks I felt less annoyed at Chris and PJ, but not enough to give up my revenge plan. That was until one of the waitresses went on stage to ask for them to come up and sing Toxic by Britney Spears for the birthday boy. They snapped their heads glare at me.

“Don’t look at me. I’ve been sat here the whole time. But you should go up, wouldn’t want to disappoint.” I took a sip of my drink so I couldn’t burst out laughing as they took the stage. I held it in until PJ belted out the first Baby then started cackling for most of the song. Chris and PJ weren’t completely smashed, but they were enough to make a show of it and fools of themselves when my laughter died down to a snicker I look over at Phil, who was holding up his phone and wearing the widest smile I had ever seen on him.

“Oh my god! You’re the one who signed them up!”

He didn’t put the phone down, though it did droop lower as he turned his head, “Yes. I’m having fun, but I was looking forward to a night in with you.”

My heart jumped at that.

“What do you think of my revenge? Pretty good? Plus, I thought you might want some too.” 

“It’s amazing, I love y- it. I love it. Um, I’m going to go get refills. Do you want one?”

“Sure, please.” 

I stood up and walked over to the counter, I could have asked a waitress, but that was too close and I needed to distract myself. ‘I want to tell Phil, I will, just not while we’re getting hammered.’ 

*Now, let me hold your hand.  
I want to hold your hand.*

When I came back PJ and Chris’ faces were so red that they looked sunburnt. I laughed as I set the drinks down and wonder how the hell I didn’t spill them from laughing so hard.

“That was a fantastic performance. I think you guys should come back next week and do it again.”

“Not happening.” Chris said at the same time PJ said, “Or never again.” 

*And when I touch you.  
I feel happy inside.  
It’s such a feelin’ that my love.*

The next few hours went fairly uneventful except for the fact that Phil got on stage and sang a rendition of Celine Dion’s My Heart Will go on, he did rather well. And that I kept falling out of my chair, I usually did that at least once a week, though it seemed to be at its worse tonight even despite my decision not to have any more alcohol. Which made what happened next that much more horrid. 

The waitress from before approached the microphone again, saying this time there was an open request for a Dan Howell to come sing. I wanted to strangle PJ and Chris when they began giggling, both of them knew I would go up since I have the bad habit of crumbling underneath peer pressure, but as I opened my mouth to yell at them Phil put his hand on my arm and said.

“I was the one who sign you up.”

I widen my eyes in surprise then I wanted to ask why, though he answered my question before it ever left my lips.

“I love hearing you sing Dan. And I know it’s your birthday, but will you do it? For me?”

Perhaps it was because Phil just finished singing, but I could swear that his cheeks were turning red. I took a second, then in that moment I muster all the courage I had to say, “Yes, Phil...” I stood up, creeping toward the stage, then turned my head back to Phil, “I better not catch you recording me. Alright?” I smirked. 

Phil just nodded his head in reply and smiled at me. The glint of elation shining his multi colored eyes gave me that extra shove, I needed to see this through.

*I can’t hide.  
I can’t hide.  
I can’t hide.*

I got up to the microphone and literally forgot every song I ever listen to when the spotlight hit me. My heartbeat was as fast as a hummingbird’s and I felt it leap into my throat. One thought ran through my mind as I was fighting the urge to run off to the toilet and sick up my entire stomach from nerves. ‘Fuck! This would be so much easier if I could hold Phil’s hand.’ That’s when I figured out what song to sing, I managed a weak smile, turned round so I didn’t see all the eyes on me. It helped, just not much. I took a deep breath in and out, then started singing a bit quiet and wobbly at first.

“Yeah, you got that somethin’, I think you’ll understand.  
When I say that somethin’.  
I want to hold your hand, I want to hold your hand, I want to hold your hand.”  
My voice got stronger once I began singing and my nerves settled enough for me to spin back to the small crowd of people, my eyes immediately fell on Phil. He stared at me as he beamed wide, the tip of his tongue sticking out in the center of his teeth. I grinned back and continued.

“And when I touch you, I feel happy inside.  
It’s such a feelin’ that my love.” I felt my cheeks heat when I said that, but maybe it was from the lights shining down on me.  
“I can’t hide, I can’t hide, I can’t hide.”

I don’t remember much after I finished singing I think a few people clapped, though it was a bit of a blur. The only thing I know for sure that happened was when I stepped off stage was Phil came up to me and lifted me into a hug then spun both of us round.

“You were amazing Dan!” Phil said, still holding me up for a long few heartbeats before letting me back down, slightly embarrassed, “Uh, what made you pick that song?”

I came very close to saying ‘You. You mad bugger, you, who I’m in love with! Who makes everything easier just by holding my hand.’ But instead I said, “It was the first song that I thought of.” I was telling the truth, I just may have left out one or two additionally reasons.

Phil smiled, “I think it was a beautiful choice.” 

Then the rest of the night hazed together. I vaguely recall getting a cab and it dropping PJ and Chris off at PJ’s flat first since his was the closer of the two, mine was the next stop. I got out and Phil followed me.

I made it all the way to my flat door before I realized he had, “Phil? What are you-” 

“I was going to spend the night, remember?”

“Right. Now, I do.” 

I let myself and Phil in and went to my bedroom to change into pajamas, grabbing some for him as well. When I entered the lounge Phil looked at me and grinned, “It’s past midnight. Happy birthday Dan.”

I rolled my eyes at him, but still appreciated the sentiment, “Thank you Phil. Um, here are some pajamas and you can sleep in my bed.”

“I’m not kicking you out of your bed on your birthday, you mad lad.” He giggled.

“You aren’t. I’m giving it to you, you spork.” 

“Dan-”

“Rock, paper, scissors, then.” I smirked and held out my left hand. 

“You’re on.”

“And since it is my birthday, no, all or nothings.” Phil’s eyes went skywards before he smiled and agreed. I threw rock while he threw scissors. As his nose scrunched up in that cute way it always does when he loses, I chuckled. “Poor Phil. Now he has to sleep in my bed. What ever will he do?” 

“Are you done gloating?” 

“Mm, I suppose. I think I’ll turn in for the night. Good night, Phil.”

“Sleep tight, Dan.”

*Yeah, you got that somethin’.  
I think you’ll understand.  
When I feel that somethin’.*

I looked at the clock on my phone, seeing that it was almost 3:00 in the morning. I gave up on trying to sleep and pulled my computer off the coffee table to read a wiki page on black holes I bookmarked a week or so ago for a night like this. I avoided clicking on the creepypasta tab that was beside it, knowing I probably wouldn’t go to sleep for the next couple nights if I did. I had just finished a paragraph on black hole growth when I heard light footfalls coming in my direction before I could react to it, I heard a quiet, “Dan? Are you up?” And then Phil appeared in the doorway of the lounge.

Even with only the faint glow of my computer lighting the room, Phil’s blue eyes shone bright and put me at ease, though this time there was something in them that wasn’t there before, something I couldn’t quite guess. I switched on the lamp on the end table beside the sofa as I answered him, “Yeah, Phil, I’m up. You okay?”

“Yes. I can’t sleep though.”

“Me neither.” I smiled, “What’s keeping you up?”

“You.” He said it so simply that I hadn’t noticed that he wasn’t looking at me like always he does, “I think do understand.”

My brows furrowed, “Understand? Understand, what?” 

He moved out of the doorway, padded the few paces it took to get to the sofa, then held out his hand and started singing so softly, that it seemed like a lullaby, “I want to hold your hand, I want to hold your hand too, my love. I can’t hide that feelin’ anymore. And when I do, I feel happy inside, so say to me, you’ll hold my hand too.” 

I felt my eyes getting wet as he sang, but only when I intertwined my fingers with his did the tears spill onto my cheeks. “I’ll always hold your hand.”

*I want to hold your hand.  
I want to hold your hand.  
I want to hold your hand.  
I want to hold your hand.*

I don’t remember falling asleep or going to bed, but as I blinked my blurry vision away and stared up at the ceiling above my bed, I tried to decide if what happened last night was actually just a cruel vivid dream or my memories.

“It wasn’t a dream Dan.”

I flicked my eyes to the right side of my bed to see Phil smile that same smile he had when I sang last night. “I love you Phil.”

“I love you Dan. Happy birthday.” Then he took hold of my hand again.

I beamed so wide that my face hurt, but I didn’t care, “Best birthday ever.”  
~fin.~

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Please tell me what you thought down below.  
> I have to say it. I AM SO PROUD OF DAN!!!  
> This was suppose to be just a thing I did, but it ended up being for Dan's b-day and Pride month. But I think it makes it better that way.  
> I also have been posting a lot of Pride stuff on my Instagram and Tumblr, so if you liked this maybe you might want to check it out, I'm sure I have links somewhere on here. Alright, sponing done.  
> May you lot have a fantastic day/night!  
> Til' next from Bluefox.


End file.
